I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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