That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
