the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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