Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
