Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
