we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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