my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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