Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
