It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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