i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dicks are not precious.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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