ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
