dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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