We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
