SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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