My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
