Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
