the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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