Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
