Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There r osticjed everywhere
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
