I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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