How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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