Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
