I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
