Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i came on her dog
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
