eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
