I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
