Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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