Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think a kid would responsible me up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
