no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
