the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
