So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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