What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
