Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
