Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
