bring money and cleavage
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
