I hate your face
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
