She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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