I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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