Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
