Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Text me some of your sweat
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
