Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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