oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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