3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
