You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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