Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
