Already got asked if we're dating
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
