we have officially lost it.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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