so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
