My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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