Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
