I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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