if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
